In Preparation For Hellfest

I promised myself some time ago - probably around last new year to be honest - that I'd relearn some basic French in order to get by easier when I went to Hellfest.
Well, now Hellfest is almost upon us and until this afternoon, I hadn't even entertained the idea of looking over any french work. A few hours ago, I picked up a couple of good quality (but cheap) books to kickstart my french relearning. After studying the language for five years in school, I'm hoping that it'll trigger my memory and that it'll be easier to learn, within reason, than learning everything from scratch.
In a way, I wish that I'd never stopped learning languages - I feel that if I'd stuck with them all as I picked them up, I could be halfway to fluent in French, German, Spanish, Japanese and Korean as well as moving in the right direction with Greek, Cantonese and Mandarin. When I really think about it, there are so many things that I'm capable of doing and all that's standing in the way is my own mental health issues. It's more disabling than I could ever have imagined.
Like I said though, I'm trying to get back on the horse, and I think that I'm sort of getting there. This interaction overload did set me back but I feel like I can spring forward again, now that I've had a short time to lose myself in the anonymity that the city centre provides.

As for learning French, or relearning or whatever, I'll try to keep this updated and things. Hopefully soon I'll be able to hold actual conversations with people! It's strange, the way they teach foreign languages in British schools - parrot phrases and jigsaw paragraphs. If I went to France, being able to talk at length about my family or what I did during the summer holidays would be so wildly unhelpful that it's almost comedic. And slightly sad too. It's a shame that we aren't taught with immersion although I can see why it'd be impractical. I just feel that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

In regards to Hellfest, I can't tell whether I'm most excited to see the bands, go on holiday to France, or to be reviewing the bands for GetYourRockOut.co.uk. I think it's pretty much an equal measure of all three things along with a whole bunch of other stuff too. Hopefully everything will go better with GYRO this time - it's pretty worrying how my emails keep getting 'lost'. They appear in my sent folder and I'm pretty certain that wouldn't happen if they weren't definitely 'sent'. My email hasn't changed, their email hasn't changed and they're not in their junk folder so lord knows where they're actually going. Of course there's always the possibility that they GYRO people either aren't seeing them because they're getting so many emails from everyone. Or there's the possibility that they're ignoring my emails as a way to subtly remove me from their team. Hopefully that's just me being paranoid though...
With that in mind however, I have wanted to start putting out feelers to find other reviewing sites and other companies that need photographers. I know there's a few local ones but the level of professionalism there is always a bit of a worry. I've seen some companies get really successful very quickly, only to find out they'd been built on a whim and folded within a year. It's scary to put work into something that feels so transient. But then I suppose that's all life is. At the end of the day, nothing is forever.

Downsides of Being an Introvert

Since the last post, given that it was a couple of hours ago, I've sort of done a lot. Mentally, that is. Or at least, I think I have, I guess.

I'm beginning to realise (again) that the more human interaction I have, face-to-face, the more detached from myself I become. It's probably why I coasted through school and college as an emotionally unavailable robot. Seeing people five or six days a week for eight hours really isn't my thing, or so it would seem.

I can handle interaction that isn't in person fairly well most of the time. It's just seeing a lot of people and a lot of disruption to my routine that throws me off. Recently, there has been metric fucktonnes of routine disruption and face-to-face interaction. It hasn't all been a bad thing but it has definitely drained me. Mentally, physically, emotionally: all I want to do is switch off and spend a few hours watching Fringe uninterrupted. That's not to say that if someone came to me with an emergency, I'd ignore them - not at all! But what I do really need is just a few hours to just recharge.

It sounds a lot like I'm just slating social interaction but that couldn't be further from my intentions. I love spending an afternoon catching up with friends or just hanging out. I love meeting up with people and while I might not be so wild about meeting new people most of the time, I can definitely see the merits of it, especially while trying to succeed in a business as network-heavy as photography and photo editing. All that I need, I think, is to manage my time better. I'm trying to heal (as new-age as that sounds) and I simply can't do that if I'm exhausting myself by spending all my time socialising or running around after other people or doing things for other people.
But at the same time, helping others and doing things for others and all that makes me feel better about myself so helps the healing process. What I've got to do is find a balance between the two that allows me to get better by giving myself space and time but that also allows me to feel better about myself by helping others.

Now, after all that renewed self-realisation, I'm going to head home and start working on the poster for Violence Is Violence Festival. After I've made a decent start on that, or done everything I can for now, I'm going to start working on more photo edits. I've got a lot of work to do on my "Uncanny Valley" project so it'll be good to get started on that in earnest after handing in my final piece.

I've been doing that thing again...

So hi there! Again...

Ugh it's been forever! It's been a mixture of being really busy and being really depressed, often at the same time. As many of you probably realise, being both at the same time doesn't really work at all.

With that in mind, I keep thinking I'm together enough to write this blog entry but in actual fact, I opened this dialogue box yesterday evening and I've stared at it, I've ignored it, I've talked about it and I've even showed the terrapin (he didn't seem too fussed). I think it's probably taken around 23 hours for me to even get this far...

And low and behold, it's taken a further 20 hours for me to start up again after that last paragraph. Everything is too difficult to deal with right now. I hate to say it but yesterday night I was too mentally exhausted to even change my fucking webpage - how pathetic is that? It's like the epitome of #FirstWorldProblems and it might actually be killing me.

I'm gonna leave this here for now. Hopefully I'll get to post again in a little while but in the meantime, I need a break and possibly another coffee.