As of tomorrow, I'll be replacing my current Fluoxetine tablets with a daily 15mg of Mirtazapine, a noradrenergic and specific serotonergic antidepressant. It's also occasionally given to underweight cats to stimulate their appetite...
As side effects for anti-depressants go, this has fairly minor/run of the mill ones. Anything from nausea to fainting, drowsiness etc. Unfortunately it also creates an increase in appetite and, thus, weight gain. Not really what I need right now but hey-ho maybe I'll start eating regularly enough to lose weight! Interestingly, according to 'the internet' it can also cause 'nocturnal emissions' which is an amusing term for... you guessed it... wet dreams. (If you guessed flatulence, you've obviously never known a guy in puberty!)
The doctor and I came to the conclusion that I should move away from the Fluoxetine when I started not only getting unpleasant mental side effects (dizziness, disorientation, confusion, paranoia, intense and irrational fear, irritability and aggressiveness to name a few) but also some nasty physical side effects - headaches, 'gut issues' (I won't scare you with the details), difficulty regulating my body temperature, restlessness, insomnia etc. etc. We discussed me going back to NTT (Newcastle Talking Therapies) and doing more CBT but since my personal self-review is Star Wars Day (4th May for you non-nerds) and my first appointment with my psychologist is May 16th (Star Wars Day Squared!) it might not be that worth it. It's nice knowing that the option is there though - kind of comforting even.
In non-medication related news, I've got my last formal, group session at college next Tuesday - I didn't make it in this week, I just couldn't bring myself to go. No idea why, it just happens sometimes with the depression - I can sometimes barely leave the bed never mind the house! I finally managed to get all of the essay written and submitted on Tuesday. I don't remember if I've said that already but I managed it at last and I'm proud of myself so I don't mind if I say it twice. The image didn't send the first time apparently but I managed to get it sent properly today thankfully. I know I've lost a substantial amount of my grade but at the moment I consider getting the work in an achievement in itself...
I missed pole on Monday - too tired - but I'm going tomorrow before going to Nando's for lunch with Charlotte.
This month had the best payday ever so I've successfully paid of all my debts, indulged myself a little and bought some amazing little business cards from moo.com. They're incredible - I'll be posting a picture when they're delivered (on May 2nd hopefully!).
*Just got an iMessage from Charlotte - she's skint and can neither make pole nor Nando's tomorrow. Sad Panda... We've rescheduled for a week today.*
After a fun, and sedating, excursion - well, break... - I'm going to leave this here and go to make some Mexican food.
Tortillas filled with refried beans, Quorn pieces, fajita sauce, fresh salad, stir-fried vegetables and mexicana cheese.
Foodie Heaven...
Showing posts with label foundation degree. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foundation degree. Show all posts
Thursday, 25 April 2013
Sunday, 14 April 2013
Something to chew over.
I've just posted this on my photography blog/college progress journal that I have to keep as part of my degree. It just struck me - the profound effect my mental state is having on my life and my loves. This time last year, and before then too, photography was everything to me. It's all I wanted to do. Now I hardly ever indulge it.
"So since my summer term begins on Tuesday, I thought I'd best update this again.
I'm struggling. More than I ever have before. I was supposed to hand in an essay two weeks ago. Not only did I miss the deadline because of being sick, it wasn't even finished. I've never found essays hard. Ever. But this is something else. I just can't write it. I can't formulate the words, the argument, the research. I've never just not handed work in!
I think the largest part of the reason for my dreadful attendance and shoddy punctuality is my medication and my current mental state. My struggle with severe depression and anxiety has meant that I have been unable to make it into college on several occasions. There have also been times when medical appointments have interfered with my ability to get to college. Not only that, but they've impacted on my photography. I don't go out anymore just to take photos, I don't organise shoots, I don't do gigs for GetYourRockOut, I don't do any editing. I feel like my dream of getting into the photography business is slipping through my fingers because I can't bear to do anything. I haven't got the energy or the willpower to do anything at all.
From time to time I feel like I can do it: like I can carry on and take photos, like I can make it in the industry. But really, most of the time I'm feeling like I'm wasting my time and money doing this degree. I feel utterly hopeless and lost.
I just don't know where I belong anymore.
Despite all of this, one of our current assignments is all about branding material so I've just spent a couple of hours designing some business cards. I'll be paying for them on Friday because it's payday then and I currently have less than a fiver to my name...
I'm about to start working on my creative CV and add more to my work based learning document. I'm going to email GYRO and explain why I've gone AWOL and hopefully they'll understand. That way I might be able to do some more gigs for them and maybe more interviews.
I love it when I'm there - it really is what I want to do with my life. When I was at Hammerfest in March I would have done anything to be in the pit with the rest of the photographers - it was driving me crazy just being in the crowd.
I'm still thinking of doing a journalism degree after the third year of the FdA. I'm just doubting my ability to do it I guess, along with worrying about the horrendous level of debt I'll have at that point. Heaven knows what the university fees will be like in September 2014.
I've just realised that September 2014 is terrifyingly close. It's a year and a half away. That's no time at all. I don't think I could ever possibly be ready for that!"
Find the rest of the posts - happier posts - at shootforthemoonphotography.blogspot.com
There's also examples of my photography there too!
"So since my summer term begins on Tuesday, I thought I'd best update this again.
I'm struggling. More than I ever have before. I was supposed to hand in an essay two weeks ago. Not only did I miss the deadline because of being sick, it wasn't even finished. I've never found essays hard. Ever. But this is something else. I just can't write it. I can't formulate the words, the argument, the research. I've never just not handed work in!
I think the largest part of the reason for my dreadful attendance and shoddy punctuality is my medication and my current mental state. My struggle with severe depression and anxiety has meant that I have been unable to make it into college on several occasions. There have also been times when medical appointments have interfered with my ability to get to college. Not only that, but they've impacted on my photography. I don't go out anymore just to take photos, I don't organise shoots, I don't do gigs for GetYourRockOut, I don't do any editing. I feel like my dream of getting into the photography business is slipping through my fingers because I can't bear to do anything. I haven't got the energy or the willpower to do anything at all.
From time to time I feel like I can do it: like I can carry on and take photos, like I can make it in the industry. But really, most of the time I'm feeling like I'm wasting my time and money doing this degree. I feel utterly hopeless and lost.
I just don't know where I belong anymore.
Despite all of this, one of our current assignments is all about branding material so I've just spent a couple of hours designing some business cards. I'll be paying for them on Friday because it's payday then and I currently have less than a fiver to my name...
I'm about to start working on my creative CV and add more to my work based learning document. I'm going to email GYRO and explain why I've gone AWOL and hopefully they'll understand. That way I might be able to do some more gigs for them and maybe more interviews.
I love it when I'm there - it really is what I want to do with my life. When I was at Hammerfest in March I would have done anything to be in the pit with the rest of the photographers - it was driving me crazy just being in the crowd.
I'm still thinking of doing a journalism degree after the third year of the FdA. I'm just doubting my ability to do it I guess, along with worrying about the horrendous level of debt I'll have at that point. Heaven knows what the university fees will be like in September 2014.
I've just realised that September 2014 is terrifyingly close. It's a year and a half away. That's no time at all. I don't think I could ever possibly be ready for that!"
Find the rest of the posts - happier posts - at shootforthemoonphotography.blogspot.com
There's also examples of my photography there too!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)