Tuesday, 18th December 2012, 01.59am
I'm starting this blog because I have to. I've felt a compulsion to start it for several months now but only today, now, have I felt able to do so. In the light of the day, no doubt it'll turn into one of those 2am and sleep deprivation induced mistakes but I won't take it down.
I'm through pretending, I want to be open about myself, even if I'm not truly broadcasting who I am and the like - it's not really necessary to be honest. I am anyone, everyone, who has ever gone through what I have, who has ever felt alone and betrayed by their own minds. Who has needed to tell someone something about themselves but been unable.
I am currently undergoing treatment for severe depression and equally severe anxiety.
Here I want to document how I'm doing. I already keep a private journal but I wanted this one in case there is anyone (and I know there are plenty people) who was in my situation.
After my diagnosis, I felt alone, misunderstood. I had no one really to relate to or who could tell me about their experiences so I wanted to have this blog for both my own good and for the good of any who find it and find that it was just what they needed.
The medication I've been on isn't an extensive list by any means.
Citalopram, 10mg for 1 week then 20mg after that (now up to 30mg), once daily.
Propranolol, 20mg, up to three times per day.
Diazopam, 2mg, up to three times per day.
All in all, as it stands at the moment, I'm taking seven and a half tablets almost every day. It kinda sucks and it's not very subtle.
Thanks for reading,
Sarah
**Edit** Tuesday 22nd April 2014
Again, I'm a bit late with the updating...
Medication:
Mirtazapine - 45mg per day
Propranolol - 40mg - 120mg per day depending on various other factors (anxiety level/ability to breathe and so on)
Citalopram - 20mg per day (new addition!)
Diazepam - Outlawed
Therapy sessions (with Newcastle Psychological Services) have ended. I'm awaiting an appointment with Claremont House for 'long term support'.
**Edit** Friday 20th September 2013
I probably should've done this a while ago...
Medication:
Mirtazapine - 45mg per day
Propranolol - as before
Diazepam - as before
Therapy sessions are on and off (because I keep accidentally missing them). Looking to start a new course of group sessions soon. My therapist's looking to get me a medication review with community mental health to stabilise my meds and, hopefully, myself.
**Edit** Tuesday 30th July 2013
Medication is now:
Mirtazapine - 30mg per day
Propranolol - as before
Diazepam - 2mg as needed
I have also developed a level of distain for people who brag about how much Citalopram they're taking for whatever ailment.
CBT sessions have ended, for the 3rd time, and sessions with a psychologist are just starting up in earnest this week. I shall be going back to the doctor re: my medication as soon as I can get an appointment. 30mg Mirtazapine isn't cutting it anymore it seems.
**Edit** Wednesday 3rd April 2013
Medication is now:
Fluoxetine - 20mg per day
Propranolol - 3 x 20mg per day to be taken at intervals
Diazepam - 2mg per day
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