Flu, Viral Infection or Meningitis - Medical Roulette

After explaining my symptoms to one of the out of doctors, I was told I probably had one of the above three conditions. Their symptom checker, which, yes, I made the mistake of using, told me I'd either had a stroke or had a "serious illness". The first person I spoke to after calling 111 seemed a bit simple - I'm not sure whether she knew what she was doing or whether she thought I wasn't talking sense but she kept asking and re-asking the same questions, explaining the difference between dizzy and light-headed by using roundabout analogies, and managed to come up with about four different versions of my surname after I'd explained it to her and then spelled the whole thing out twice. The actual doctor I spoke to was lovely and really helpful, she went through her questions like a normal person and didn't treat me like an invalid but did manage to give me the "probably flu, a viral infection or maybe meningitis" diagnosis which was a little alarming... She put me on the 'urgent' list for call backs and appointments and a little while later I got a call saying to get to the hospital as soon as I possibly could so, with a friend in tow (at the demand of my other half who was at work), I made my way to A&E. After a pretty reasonable waiting time, I got to see the doctor. She made me do a few rather fun coordination and reaction tests after taking my temperature, blood pressure and pulse. She checked the back of my eyes and made me stand with my arms across my chest and eyes shut - to see if I fell over essentially - and then checked my throat and tonsils before quickly dismissing the notion of meningitis and flu. A viral infection then, and quite a nasty one at that, was deemed most of the cause of my problems. Another contributing factor, she said, is withdrawal from Citalopram. That's likely the cause of my five day migraine. Joy... So I left the hospital with a prescription for some lovely penicillin based antibiotics (which I couldn't get today - damn bank holidays) and the feeling of being reassured that the lining of my brain was not inflamed in any way.

To go back to the Citalopram withdrawal: I meant to write a couple of weeks ago about how the Citalopram was no longer cutting it and the doctor and I had decided it was possibly time for a change. I asked for a few days to think and that, because it's nigh impossible to get an appointment at the surgery, turned into a few weeks. I went back on Tuesday after spending all of Monday in a semi-catatonic state and he decided that I should move onto Fluoxetine within the week. My instructions for the transition were to go to half dose for three days (yesterday was day two, I nearly killed myself, I instead spent about half an hour self-harming) and then to drop to quarter dose for three days. After that, I can start taking 20mg of Fluoxetine a day. Apparently it's a rough starter and that can last anywhere from two to six weeks and since I already had a rocky beginning with Citalopram, I'm not looking forward to it so much... I dunno, maybe it'll be alright - it can't get tooooo much worse I suppose.

Other than that, things are going alright, I moved departments at work so I'm even happier there now than I was before. College is going alright but I missed my latest deadline due to sickness (read Citalopram withdrawal and viral infection) so I'll lose out on marks for that unfortunately. On the plus side, we've broke for Easter now so I've got a fortnight to improve my essay and work on my image. I've gone back to pole dancing and I'm getting back into the swing of it all so to speak.
I'm going to start setting proper times and dates to blog and I'm going to start writing and drawing again. And, now that the weather's getting better, I'm going to start running again. I think it'll all help with the depression lark and stuff.

Anyway, I'm going to get some more rest. Night all!

One Month Later

So it's been just over a month since I last posted anything here and I can't quite decide whether to say not much has happened or loads of stuff has happened... After mostly recovering from the medical shambles that was the end of January, I've been to the doctors three more times. Two check-ups and progress reports for my pills and one hospital referral for my psoriasis. During the final one, the referral, I mentioned that I was finally managing to take myself off the Diazepam - hell of a rocky road, that one! - but wasn't feeling any improvement in my anxiety or depression. I've hit a plateau. In the world of mental health medication, that means it's time to change things up a bit.
Dr Nerves double-checked the dosages I'm currently on and concluded, slightly sadly, that it was time to take me off the Citalopram in favour of something stronger. A little bit different. Unfortunately my current dosages are already at their maximums so a change means that, simply, I'll be weaned off the Citalopram, have a 'short time' with no tablets and then be slowly introduced to the upgrade.
I was, and still am, apprehensive - I didn't take well to the Citalopram in the first place never mind having to do it all again with something stronger! I told Doc that I'd have to give it a few day's thought and talk it over with my other half before I decided on anything. Naturally, he agreed, since he'd seen me the first time I had medication and we arranged to have a follow-up appointment.
I was worried about telling Matt. My mental state and my medication have already caused us enough relationship problems as it is, I don't want to make anything worse or ruin what we've got now but I don't want to live in this sort of constant depression either. I expected him to share my concerns and my apprehension but instead he looked me dead in the eye, shrugged slightly and was like, 'okay, we'll get through it - don't worry'. At first, I genuinely didn't think he realised what I was saying, like, he'd misheard me or misunderstood. I tried to remind him how awful it had been but he just wasn't swayed. I was surprised but nonetheless comforted. He's got my back. I should have known, really. After everything, after the last year, we really seem to have settled into each other. It seems like we're both happier and more relaxed - I know I can't really talk for him but I can call it as I see it. It gives me hope.

In other news, Hammerfest soon! Just the weekend after next and I can't wait! No idea how I'm going to pay for everything but not to worry, I suppose, I'll manage somehow... No doubt I'll end up borrowing money from somewhere - the bank of mum perhaps - until payday (roll on the 22nd!). I only recognise two bands in the line up and, of them, only like one but hopefully, just like Bloodstock, I'll find a few new loves. I doubt there'll be anything like Pythia but you never know I suppose... I'm mostly just looking forward to the festival itself. The fact that it's indoors should be an experience! And the fact that we'll have beds rather than sleeping bags on the floor in tents. I think I'll request that I change my meds after Hammerfest - during might have too much of an effect on me. Then again, the festival could prove a useful distraction...

Other good news - I got to change departments at work! Instead of Fresh I'm on Checkouts - yay! Everyone thinks I'm crazy but I just love being on the tills - and it comes with 7 more contracted hours and all the overtime I could possibly dream of! It'll probably be in a few weeks but I'm already doing a load of tills overtime as it is.
It's not a job I want to have for a long time but it pays the bills and keeps me out of the house. It took me long enough to get it so I was unbelievably thankful when I did - I was in shock for a week! I'm not sure if I want to meet my replacement but, since I'm going to be sitting around all day for my shifts, I'm going to start walking to work again. Plus it'll save me money. I might even see what walking into Newcastle's like. It takes just over half an hour at a decent pace and that will save me a crazy amount of money! And there's obviously the health and weight-loss benefits too... I'm planning to start running again too, as soon as the weather gets a bit nicer - I detest running in the snow/rain/cold. I'll be going back to pole as well, when my Herbalife shakes arrive, which I'm looking forward to. I've missed the metal and I was progressing so well! I'll have to upload some photos or something soon - it'd be nice to have a bit of a brag...