Egg and Bacon Muffin Cups Part 2!

So I didn't really follow the recipe to the letter...
Being vegetarian, I already had to improvise! I'd never eaten or cooked with veggie bacon before so I was already a little bit clueless as to what to do.
The muffin tins were a little bit too big, maybe an inch in circumference, for the bacon strips too but I was making six and I had two strips left so I thirded the remaining ones and just slotted them in - it worked pretty well!

The granary bread circles were made with scone cutters - the smallest one I had was just perfect. And all in all, bread, bacon, and egg, everything fitted as though it'd been made for muffin cups! When I brought them through to the bf, they were a hit too and I was proclaimed a culinary genius.

I'll definitely be trying them again!
I'll post a photo up in a bit. They're so cute!

As for the rest of today, work was dullllll. There was, of course, the dreaded christmas music and I had a headache within half an hour. Then there was security alarms going off all over the place, and a police visit for something unrelated, and then shouting people, and a fire alarm drill. For a six hour shift it dragged... When my break eventually arrived, I realised that I'd lost the money that I'd brought with me - I was either going to buy lunch or a bus ticket home. I decided on lunch but then it didn't matter in the end since I had the change for a banana and had to walk home anyway.
Hopefully tomorrow's shift will be better!

Veggie Bacon and Egg Muffins

This is what I intended to write about last night. Well, this morning. Whenever. That last post was supposed to be about this:

Bacon and Egg Muffin Cups, Veggie Style!

I've see these floating around the internet a lot in the last few months. They seemed sort of revolutionary and obvious at the same time - especially with the internet's obsession with bacon.

I honestly don't know how that obsession is a thing, I mean, bacon's great and all but it's not that great... Don't tell anyone I said that!

I found this recipe on Cooking Whims.

Basically, you put circles of bread in a muffin tin, wrap some bacon around the cup bit and then fill the space in the middle with an egg. Cook the whole lot for 10-15 minutes and serve. Voila! Egg and Bacon Muffin Cups!

Now a few of you might notice a problem here. My partner and I are vegetarian. Bacon isn't vegetarian - shocking, I know. What I did buy though was Quorn bacon. Now I've never had it before but apparently it tastes reasonably similar to the meaty bacon. So I'm going to give these muffins a shot. By the time that this blog gets to the internet, we'll have eaten them, for better or worse and I'll be able to review them tomorrow night after work. I'll try to reign in my christmas related anger after work tomorrow so that I can write happily about the muffin cups. Maybe I'll do some yoga before I blog...

Clearly I should do yoga before I blog anyway - then I might appear wholesome and well-adjusted rather that batshit insane...

Anywayyyyy!

I'm off to make bacon and egg muffin cups! If you make them, or make a variation of them, let me know how it goes!

Insomniac Ramblings

I can smell chocolate.
I don't know why and I don't know where it's coming from. But I know that I can smell it... I think it might be from when Matt was eating one of his Easter eggs earlier - there was a chocolate-looking mark on the bed where he'd been sitting.
There's also a chance that it might be coming from my Herbalife shake tub... They're chocolate flavoured and remarkably realistic! I'm enjoying having them - they're quick and easy to make, they taste good and they're generally pretty convenient. With the added weightloss bonus of course...

Anyway, back to what I was originally going to post today...
I've realised that although I started this blog with the intention of going through how I was coping with depression and anxiety and how it all made me feel, I'm not sure I've done much of that.

For me, depression makes me feel worthless and as if I'm not good enough. In turn, that stops me from trying because I believe that I'm crap anyway, so why bother?

Some days, I find it especially hard to get out of bed because I just haven't got the strength to face the day. Everything seems bleak and dark and pointless. I don't want to do anything. Anything I do do is faced done with a rather miserable attitude of 'why am I bothering, I don't want to be here' regardless of how well it's hidden.

I hate the fact that I have to fake smiles. It's exhausting. It's stupid. I don't see why I should do this for others half the time.

Of course, that, to me, comes across as extreme selfishness - something I was raised to hate and avoid at all costs.
This, ergo, makes me feel horribly guilty - like a truly despicable human being. I disgust myself and hate myself. There are times when these feelings get so bad all I want to do is die. I don't want to kill myself, I just want to die.
Of course, there are the other times when I do want to take my own life. Whether it be through overdose or through cutting myself somewhere vital. Sometimes I cut myself to feel in control when everything else is too crazy. When it feels like the world has stopped turning but I haven't and all I can hear is my own mental screaming and my own voice and the other voice telling me how worthless and horrible I am. When all I can see are flaws in everything. When I feel so much that I feel nothing. The last of my most recent scars are nearly healed and the itching is driving me mad.

It's pretty tough. Sometimes, like now, I can see that I don't give myself enough credit for dealing with this and getting the help that I have. Sometimes, I don't feel like it's been enough. I know that I'm going to go to the doctors tomorrow and tell him that I don't feel any better. I'm going to tell him that I in fact feel emotionally dead most of the time. That time itself seems to take three times as long. That I'm spacing out, confused, disorientated. I'm not sure what the outcome of that will be but I'll let you know either way.

On a somewhat lighter note, Matt had his closest friend visiting today so I cooked us all whole wheat spaghetti bolognese. It was amazing. We had it with warm, freshly made bread and garlic Lurpack. There's still some bolognese left - I'm planning on having some tomorrow with rice. Or maybe just with salad. Or with pasta salad. I haven't quite decided. Obviously...