One Month Later

So it's been just over a month since I last posted anything here and I can't quite decide whether to say not much has happened or loads of stuff has happened... After mostly recovering from the medical shambles that was the end of January, I've been to the doctors three more times. Two check-ups and progress reports for my pills and one hospital referral for my psoriasis. During the final one, the referral, I mentioned that I was finally managing to take myself off the Diazepam - hell of a rocky road, that one! - but wasn't feeling any improvement in my anxiety or depression. I've hit a plateau. In the world of mental health medication, that means it's time to change things up a bit.
Dr Nerves double-checked the dosages I'm currently on and concluded, slightly sadly, that it was time to take me off the Citalopram in favour of something stronger. A little bit different. Unfortunately my current dosages are already at their maximums so a change means that, simply, I'll be weaned off the Citalopram, have a 'short time' with no tablets and then be slowly introduced to the upgrade.
I was, and still am, apprehensive - I didn't take well to the Citalopram in the first place never mind having to do it all again with something stronger! I told Doc that I'd have to give it a few day's thought and talk it over with my other half before I decided on anything. Naturally, he agreed, since he'd seen me the first time I had medication and we arranged to have a follow-up appointment.
I was worried about telling Matt. My mental state and my medication have already caused us enough relationship problems as it is, I don't want to make anything worse or ruin what we've got now but I don't want to live in this sort of constant depression either. I expected him to share my concerns and my apprehension but instead he looked me dead in the eye, shrugged slightly and was like, 'okay, we'll get through it - don't worry'. At first, I genuinely didn't think he realised what I was saying, like, he'd misheard me or misunderstood. I tried to remind him how awful it had been but he just wasn't swayed. I was surprised but nonetheless comforted. He's got my back. I should have known, really. After everything, after the last year, we really seem to have settled into each other. It seems like we're both happier and more relaxed - I know I can't really talk for him but I can call it as I see it. It gives me hope.

In other news, Hammerfest soon! Just the weekend after next and I can't wait! No idea how I'm going to pay for everything but not to worry, I suppose, I'll manage somehow... No doubt I'll end up borrowing money from somewhere - the bank of mum perhaps - until payday (roll on the 22nd!). I only recognise two bands in the line up and, of them, only like one but hopefully, just like Bloodstock, I'll find a few new loves. I doubt there'll be anything like Pythia but you never know I suppose... I'm mostly just looking forward to the festival itself. The fact that it's indoors should be an experience! And the fact that we'll have beds rather than sleeping bags on the floor in tents. I think I'll request that I change my meds after Hammerfest - during might have too much of an effect on me. Then again, the festival could prove a useful distraction...

Other good news - I got to change departments at work! Instead of Fresh I'm on Checkouts - yay! Everyone thinks I'm crazy but I just love being on the tills - and it comes with 7 more contracted hours and all the overtime I could possibly dream of! It'll probably be in a few weeks but I'm already doing a load of tills overtime as it is.
It's not a job I want to have for a long time but it pays the bills and keeps me out of the house. It took me long enough to get it so I was unbelievably thankful when I did - I was in shock for a week! I'm not sure if I want to meet my replacement but, since I'm going to be sitting around all day for my shifts, I'm going to start walking to work again. Plus it'll save me money. I might even see what walking into Newcastle's like. It takes just over half an hour at a decent pace and that will save me a crazy amount of money! And there's obviously the health and weight-loss benefits too... I'm planning to start running again too, as soon as the weather gets a bit nicer - I detest running in the snow/rain/cold. I'll be going back to pole as well, when my Herbalife shakes arrive, which I'm looking forward to. I've missed the metal and I was progressing so well! I'll have to upload some photos or something soon - it'd be nice to have a bit of a brag...