TGIO!

Across the world, writers - both professional and amateur alike - are celebrating the end of another NaNoWriMo. It's been a helluva month for everyone involved as always and as a first time Municipal Liaison, it's been particularly stressful for me! While I'm sure that MLs across the world will say that too,  I wanted to share some of my triumphs and hardships on here as a means of reflecting on my MLness so I can improve for next year.

1. I was way under prepared. 

I really had no idea what I was getting myself into at the time. My region hadn't had an ML for a few years for one reason or another and the Wrimos had gotten used to that, I think. Yes there were a lot of first timers but at the same time, they had about as much clue as to what they were doing as I did! They did do exceptionally well though, and they were really understanding when I was in a flap.

To combat this, I'll do the following things:

Next year, I'll make sure I've got all my resources sorted well before NaNo actually starts. I'll not rely on the shoddy library printer either - I've been meaning to buy my own so I'll be using that.

I'll book rooms ahead of time in pubs, cafés, bars etc so that we always have somewhere to go. I tried that this year but my group size was just too unreliable.

2. I got stressed and hopeless when my Wrimos didn't show up for meet-ups.

This triggered my depression and I really struggled for a couple of weeks during November. I pretty much just stopped writing because I just didn't see why it mattered. Of course when I actually finished, after clawing it back for a few days, it was amazing. Loads of my Wrimos finished ahead of time so that was lovely too.

I realise that next year, I'll just have to take the numbers as they come. I know now not to expect a huge turn out or even a reliable one. I know that people will say by text that they'll do something or they'll help out but then, a lot of the time, they actually don't when it comes down to it. It's a shame but that's just people I guess!

3. I didn't look after myself enough.

I spent that much time worrying and staying up until ungodly hours that I didn't get enough sleep at all. And, on top of that, because I was staying up so late, I kept forgetting to take my medication. On top of the new hormones from getting the coil out and the implant in, by the end of the month, I was a paranoid, stressed, emotional wreck. I was even hallucinating yesterday and the day before!

Next year, I'll endeavour to (at the very least) take my medication on time. I'll try to keep my bed time as regular as possible too.

4. I could have scheduled more Wrimo time.

I only sent one email a week and I wasn't really that omnipresent on the forums either. To be honest though, my Wrimos felt that the OLL sent out too many emails so in a way I was  glad that I wasn't part of that problem.

I did however, post my mobile number, email and twitter addresses so that my Wrimos could get in touch at any time. If they didn't utilise that then, frankly, that isn't my fault.

5. My college work took a back seat, to my detriment.

Although I didn't fail my module, by any stretch, I didn't do as well as I could have either. I could have planned my photoshoot in advance and researched more, I could have done the shoot on time and not handed everything in late.

All of these things I could have avoided and gotten a better grade. Never mind though, I suppose, it's passed now so there's nothing I can do but do better at the next module.

All in all, I still feel that it was a success. I crossed that 50,000 word finish line with a few hours to spare and a whole bunch of my Wrimos were successful too. My meet-ups were attended, even if numbers were low, and people had fun and made friends too. Obviously, I want to do it all again next year and, hopefully, I'll have less work on at college then too.

Phobias

So, since a related event has just occurred, I thought now be an appropriate time to write about some of the things that I have fears of. My list goes thus (mostly in order):

1. Spiders - this is the big one. The only spiders I can usually 'tolerate' are the tiny, tiny, tiny ones. 
2. Centipedes/Millipedes and maggots
3. Most things that have more than four legs (why on earth would anything need more that four legs?)
4. Sharks
5. Imagined 'things' (note: this is usually when I have had a bad meds day or some such)
6. Imagined 'things' in the dark (see note above)
7. Making people angry
8. Deep water (including points 3 and 4)
9. Going crazy
10. Heights

In one fell swoop when I was putting dishes away about twenty minutes ago, I encountered fears 1 and 3. A spider eating, as in actually on top of, a wrapped up hide beetle. Now I have a thing about hide beetles because, they themselves look kinda like woodlice. Their young look like woolly maggots crossed with centipedes. In the last flat I lived in, we had a horrendous infestation of hide beetles. This infestation created the fear.

After I opened the cupboard door and saw this spider - at first I just thought it was a bit of rubbish or something - I sat there transfixed as it moved off the hide beetle then proceeded to run along the sides and back of the cupboard behind the other dishes and away into the dark. I was shaken but ok. Then everything started to itch. Now I'm afraid to pick anything up or move anything in case there's a spider underneath it. I feel like I'm going to throw up and I want to get a drink but I can't because I'm afraid to leave the room.

Now, I was due some propranolol anyway and I didn't take it before work this morning so (I know, I'm not supposed to but) I doubled my midday dose. It's taken the edge off and I've stopped shaking but it hasn't really done anything else. To be honest, when I started taking the propranolol, it made my phobias and such like worse even though it made my anxiety better.

Spiders and other creepy crawlies play the biggest part in my visual hallucinations. I see them coming out of the walls and the ceiling and crawling towards me along the floor. It's not too great. It makes me jumpy. I've mentioned this to my doctor and he at first asked me if I drank a lot because that sort of hallucination can be alcohol related. I've since found out that seeing spiders and whatnot crawling out of walls was something my great grandma saw too. Now I don't drink a lot or very often and I'm fairly certain that she was t-total so I'm not convinced it's alcohol related. As for any other reasons, I'm mildly concerned that I'm going round the bend.

I'll be sure to keep you posted...

In other news, the Herbalife thing is going fairly well. I'm not sure if I've actually lost any weight or inches because I forgot to do my measurements at the start but I'm reacting fairly badly to lots of carbs. For example, I had pizza the other night and was ill all night and the next day... I am enjoying it though so that's something at least :)

Anyway, i'm going to get back to writing my college essay - I'm fairly certain I failed the module already so I'm not sure why I'm even bothering but I just can't leave it unhanded in... 

Eight Days Of Fluoxetine, Three Days Of Herbalife.

As you can probably tell, today is my eighth day of taking Fluoxetine instead of Citalopram. The withdrawal symptoms from taking reduced doses of Citalopram were pretty intense. After getting over the viral infection, I still had to take the Penicillin VK until yesterday morning (horrifying tasting stuff that is...) but I was all better and things so all I had to deal with were the bizarre withdrawal symptoms of the Citalopram and the new side effects of the Fluoxetine.
Now, before I started taking it (the Fluoxetine) I'd managed to pretty much terrify myself by reading various accounts of what people had gone through for the first six weeks of taking the new medication. As far as I could tell, most people were taking it for anxiety rather than depression however, and they hadn't previously been taking an SSRI (Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor such as Citalopram). Contrary to everything that I read, my first week has gone really smoothly. Even the doctor thought I'd have a hard time adjusting to the new medication but strangely, I've been alright. To be honest, on my first day of Fluoxetine, I did have a breakdown in the bathrooms at work. I think it managed to terrify everyone - they keep asking me how I am and how I'm adjusting to tills and if I'm okay. I just keep telling them that I'm feeling a lot better and that working on checkouts is better for me than the fresh department. Which it is - fresh was lonely and I had far too much time to dwell on things whereas with checkouts I can't do that.
After I got over the virus and the Citalopram withdrawal, I've not really felt anything - I don't feel worse, apart from the occasional bad spat of anxiety, but I don't feel all that better either. I'm forgetting things, spacing out, getting confused easily. I don't really feel happier or anything like that so I'm suspecting that, on Thursday, when I go back to the doctors, he'll increase my dose.

Aside from the new medication, I've also started drinking the Herbalife meal replacement shakes. They're really nice and I think I'm already noticing a difference in my eating after just three days! I'm having two shakes, two teas, two snacks and one nutritious meal per day. It feels kind of like Slimfast but I feel nowhere near as bloated and sluggish as I did after their meal replacements. It's obviously forcing me to eat a lot healthier too - even though I have approximately zero money.
Last night, my main meal was noodle salad with a whole egg. The salad part comprised of half a green pepper, half an onion, half a tiny turnip, a third of a cup of broccoli, half a cup of cos lettuce and some dried chilli salt, half a vegetable OXO cube and pepper for seasoning. It was gorgeous! Less than 300kcals too! (Notice how I've put in my MyFitnessPal page for you! My screen name's Sarah2808 should any of you wish to follow me.)

I'm hoping, once I've been paid on Friday, to get to pole dancing at least twice a week and I'm going to start walking to and from work as of tomorrow and maybe even to and from town when I'm at college and things - saves a hell of a lot of money! Also, now that I've got the spare room under control, I'm wanting to get a little space heater and use it as a yoga/pole dancing room as well. That way, not only will I - hopefully - be losing weight through Herbalife, but I'll be getting leaner and more toned through exercise too.

Well, that said, I'm off to make my morning shake (yes, I realise it's past 2pm but that's beside the point...) 

TTFN!

To rant or not to rant, that is the question...

Well this was supposed to go up a couple of days ago but I was in such a state, mentally and physically, that I was unable to bring myself to write the post.

My doctors, well their receptionists, managed to so royally screw up my prescription I had to go without my propranolol tablets for two and a half days. By the end of the first day, I was hearing things, by the lunch on the second day, I was seeing things. When I finally got the tablets at 9.20 on the third day, I was having full on visual and auditory hallucinations, could barely function and, consequentially nearly threw myself into the road to get rid of it all. My deterioration was so rapid and so incredible that it totally knocked me off my feet and, four days later, I'm still feeling the effects of it.

Aside from being missing the propranolol, I was missing the diazepam for a day and a half and the citalopram for a day too. It wasn't fun - looking back on it, it has a kind of morbid amusement but beyond that, I genuinely think I couldn't have made it through another night.